I Want A Prenuptial Agreement but My Partner Does Not – What Can We Do?

If you have a partner that doesn’t want to share something, or agree to something that you place a high value upon as a condition of the prenup, it can tell you a lot about where your relationship is at, and where perhaps a deeper conversation needs to happen; relationships are work and the prenup process can be a tool in that journey.

Safety in a relationship comes from many attributes among the parties, but one of them is the sense that the other person takes your wellbeing into consideration at all times and wants to be responsible for protecting you from things that the world brings. Safety is knowing that the other person understands you, and won’t expose you to anything that would make you feel hurt, upset, or uncomfortable. Safety is giving you the peace of mind that he or she isn’t hiding anything.

Of course, everyone has the right to a private life, private parts of his or her day, that is part of what keeps people grounded in their own identity and not codependent. However- and this is a BIG however- not when it comes to finances once you’re married! This is just asking for trouble. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, this is a RED FLAG! If you don’t want to talk about it, write out the reasons why. Take the situation on as you would a business meeting and organize your thoughts in the least emotional way possible. It could just be some baggage; maybe you’ve talked about money in the past and it went poorly. Maybe you’re neglecting to share credit card debt, nervous that you will scare the other partner away, or the interest rate on your student loan. Give you partner the courtesy of knowing what they are dealing with, because they will be dealing with it, whether they know it or not. We value being able to be a part of this process.

In terms of trust, creating a prenuptial agreement with your partner says more about the trust in your relationship than it says about anything else. It says to your partner, I’m opening up myself to complete transparency. Here is my situation, and here is where I see us going, together. And, if unforeseen circumstances do occur, here is what we can do to ensure that we are both in a safe and comfortable place. In its most basic form, a prenuptial agreement with your partner is one of the most beneficial actions you can take for your relationship.